he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
