Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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