someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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