Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
