Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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