It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
