I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
