I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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