He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
