Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
