My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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