I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
