Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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