so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
