She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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