screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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