Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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