garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
