please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
