Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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