If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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