shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
