____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
