since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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