hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
