May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
me + whiskey = a bad person
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
