you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
