My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
