.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
