That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
