he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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