somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
