I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
