I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
