you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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