Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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