hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
