he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
