I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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