Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
