textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
