"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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