my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
