is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
