it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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