he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
