he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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