"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
well you can't waste a boner
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
