would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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