Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
